Ankara, Turkey—Turkey will launch a world wide call for freelance scientific geniuses, specifically ones with a background in lasers and no “prejudice against super villainy.”

To questions voiced by the press, Abdullah Gül, Turkey’s controversial young president with a penchant for the dramatic, will decline to give specifics about his research goals. Dressed head to toe in a black silk cloak, pointy facial hair waxed to rigidity he will say only, “Your American Marvel comics are very instructive.” However, shortly after being employed as head of Turkey’s Research and Development, one Bertram Stanley will defect to the United States, leaking the scorned nation’s secrets to the world.

“Yes, he’s a maniac,” Stanley will say during his interview with 60 Minutes, “but I’ve never before been in such a nurturing environment. Creativity was encouraged and everyone came to work excited and invigorated. Abdullah was a visionary. He wanted me to make a giant electronic-optical device capable of reaching hundreds of thousands of miles into space. He also wanted me to make it look like a telescope. Though he never said it, I’m fairly sure his target was the moon. In the end we split amicably. I sold his secrets and he tried to have me killed. He is a man who can respect quality treachery.”

The Turkish President will refuse to respond to Stanley’s accusations but behind the scenes the search will begin immediately for a new head of Research and Development. “I gave him the names of some of my associates,” Stanley will admit. “I sincerely hope he finds someone who can match his… ah… enthusiasm.” Applicants for the position will be judged on the originality of their sinister nicknames and the keenness of their desire to leave a mark on the universe.