An old question asks that if a tree falls in a forest, does anyone notice? Apparently, yes, they will.

Based on future data obtained by breakingearly.com, a tree will fall in the forests of southern California, causing massive mudslides, an enormous wildfire and an earthquake that will split Los Angeles from the mainland. The tree, an Acacia, will slip through the fertile soil of southern California after what scientists will describe as a “freak lightning accident”.

As the tree falls, it will push .583 kilograms of mud in a northern direction, causing a massive mudslide that will destroy approximately 32 houses, a 2005 Toyota Tacoma, and a copy of the Lord of the Flies. It will also spontaneously ignite, setting flame to roughly 40 acres of forests, and destroying a large collection of Ethan Frome novels on their way to a local high school.

When the tree lands, the displaced mud will allow it to fall deep into the San Andreas fault. This small addition of weight to the fault line will cause a catastrophic tectonic shift that will split large tracts of Los Angeles from the mainland. While the Rose Bowl will remain intact, large parts of the business district, Hollywood, and the USC campus will be destroyed in a large gaping pit that will eventually fill with water.

Relief efforts will be headed up personally by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, and FEMA will move to the scene as quickly as possible. However, taking a cue from the Katrina disaster, Angelinos will use their knowledge of movie lore to survive while they hold out, using such tactics as fleeing in panic toward the largest possible dangerous area, creating vagrant bands of road warriors, fighting over the remaining area resources, and seeking out Keanu Reeves.