Every year around this time hundreds of Americans take stock of their lives and resolve to do better. Some choose exercise, others dieting, still others make plans to improve themselves—and break them just as quickly backsliding into even worse behavior. Conventional wisdom suggests that change is good, but is it really? According to a startling study due to begin at the Phoenix Institute for Medical Research sometime next year, maybe not. The controversial research project led by Dr. Sally Coombs—author, physician, and long-time chain smoker—will reveal the detrimental effects of quitting anything. “The human body is amazing,” Coombs will be quoted as saying, “and you’d be surprised what it can get used to.”

Coombs’ study will closely follow the health and well-being of nearly two hundred people required to break a habit that they’ve maintained for a minimum of ten years. Half will end bad habits like caffeine addiction and biting nails, while the other half will end good habits like washing hands and brushing teeth. A control group will be asked to maintain their current daily behavior as exactly as possible.

Strangely enough, many who finally break habits they had been struggling with for years will report an unexpected slump in motivation and a general lack of wellness. Even more strange, medical research will confirm that those who have altered habitual behaviors whether positive or negative will be statistically less healthy than the control group. Though mainstream doctors still recommend positive changes to diet and exercise, Coombs herself will continue to advocate for inaction. “Change sucks,” she will say, lighting a cigarette, “Just keep doing what you’re doing. That’s what I do, and I’m a doctor.”