The Large Hadron Collider will once again disappoint in the early months of 2020. After the initial disappointment in 2008 of not destroying both France and Switzerland, the LHC will continue to dash expectations in so many other ways.
Cern will completely run out of money after squandering billions of euros from various grants and loans.  [...]

A new accessory is hitting the market next spring: therapeutic sun glasses.  The new fasion accessory/mood modifier will be designed to positively enhance the wearer’s overall outlook on life.  While many colors will be available to suit any wardrobe, shades of pink will prevail.
Users of the new glasses notice little difference between the effects of [...]

Sibu, Transylvania—Inspired by local vampiric legend, a group of engineers in Romania will develop a fuel cell partially energized by the electrolytes in human blood capable of powering a small to midsized electric car. All such vehicles will come equipped with a small tank and a dashboard catheter. Though the cheapest and most [...]

While summer gas prices will keep people at home this summer, an exciting new energy source will be coming out on the horizon. In mid August, Terrapin Beer of Athens, Georgia will find a way to synthesize beer as an alternative fuel. The beer-fuel will be called Rye Fuel Ale, and will be consumable as both [...]

Ankara, Turkey—Turkey will launch a world wide call for freelance scientific geniuses, specifically ones with a background in lasers and no “prejudice against super villainy.”
To questions voiced by the press, Abdullah Gül, Turkey’s controversial young president with a penchant for the dramatic, will decline to give specifics about his research goals. Dressed head to toe in [...]

Like so many technological advances, fiddling with the genetic makeup of produce will have unforeseen consequences. In 2012 the International Coalition of Improved Agriculture will reluctantly report on the results of their experimentation. Though the “super” crops they breed will have many benefits, such as increased yields and extended growing seasons, the Coalition will warn [...]

As birthrates in the U.K. tumble to all-time lows, British legislators will be spurred to drastic action. With a shrinking population to support the social programs for the elderly, a bill will be drafted in February of this year which many hope will attract technology savvy immigrants. “Young people today with their blue teeth and [...]

Continuing its recent trend of introducing new iPod products on a near-weekly basis, Apple will release it’s latest addition to the product line, the Super Nano, within the next week. While featuring no actual new features except for now being the size of a sugar cube, Apple stressed that the Super Nano would, “usher in [...]