The Large Hadron Collider will once again disappoint in the early months of 2020. After the initial disappointment in 2008 of not destroying both France and Switzerland, the LHC will continue to dash expectations in so many other ways.
Cern will completely run out of money after squandering billions of euros from various grants and loans.  [...]

In a shocking turn from normal Necro-Satanic procedure, the Morningstar, also known as Satan, will decide to postpone the much anticipated Apocalypse. While originally scheduled for the end of the Aztec calendar in 2012, Satan will decide that the end of the world must be closer to a Bush family member being in office, and [...]

A new accessory is hitting the market next spring: therapeutic sun glasses.  The new fasion accessory/mood modifier will be designed to positively enhance the wearer’s overall outlook on life.  While many colors will be available to suit any wardrobe, shades of pink will prevail.
Users of the new glasses notice little difference between the effects of [...]

Our staff of astromancers, Nostradamus scholars and Bible thumpers have determined that The End is near.  How near? They are not quite sure, but they all agree it is not too soon to start asking ourselves whether or not we will be ready when the fateful moment arrives.  Don’t let Armageddon take you by surprise: [...]

Later this summer, Atlantis will arise from the deep approximately seventy miles off the coast of the Azores and pronounce its return. The mystical island, which sank eons ago, has been a source of intrigue to global historians for centuries.
Linked to all sorts of occurrences, from the rise of Camelot in England to the occasional [...]

Paris, France—The cutting edge of fashion will never seem so sharp as new fall styles hit the catwalks all across Europe in 2012. As the models mount their towering heels and prepare to strut for the camera, the savvy observer will know there is more to their rail thin figures than dieting alone can accomplish.
In [...]

Ankara, Turkey—Turkey will launch a world wide call for freelance scientific geniuses, specifically ones with a background in lasers and no “prejudice against super villainy.”
To questions voiced by the press, Abdullah Gül, Turkey’s controversial young president with a penchant for the dramatic, will decline to give specifics about his research goals. Dressed head to toe in [...]

Like so many technological advances, fiddling with the genetic makeup of produce will have unforeseen consequences. In 2012 the International Coalition of Improved Agriculture will reluctantly report on the results of their experimentation. Though the “super” crops they breed will have many benefits, such as increased yields and extended growing seasons, the Coalition will warn [...]

No, you’re not dreaming—these electric sheep are for real and lifelike enough to fool thousands of Canadians. Even now, countless unsuspecting nature lovers are paying ten bucks a head to see what they believe to be authentic animals in their natural habitat. It won’t be until a Tuesday in midsummer that the proper authorities will [...]

As birthrates in the U.K. tumble to all-time lows, British legislators will be spurred to drastic action. With a shrinking population to support the social programs for the elderly, a bill will be drafted in February of this year which many hope will attract technology savvy immigrants. “Young people today with their blue teeth and [...]