BreakingEarly

Bringing you the news before it happens

Feds to Uncover Nature Reserve Plot; Hundreds of Animatronics Confiscated

by Emma Taylor

Nov 30 2009

No, you’re not dreaming—these electric sheep are for real and lifelike enough to fool thousands of Canadians. Even now, countless unsuspecting nature lovers are paying ten bucks a head to see what they believe to be authentic animals in their natural habitat. It won’t be until a Tuesday in midsummer that the proper authorities will [...]

Tree to Fall in Forest; People to Notice

by Justin Allard

Nov 23 2009

An old question asks that if a tree falls in a forest, does anyone notice? Apparently, yes, they will.
Based on future data obtained by breakingearly.com, a tree will fall in the forests of southern California, causing massive mudslides, an enormous wildfire and an earthquake that will split Los Angeles from the mainland. The tree, an [...]

FDA to Finally Approve the Home Vasectomy Device

by Laurence Cole

Nov 16 2009

Under pressure from Congress, the FDA will relent on Friday and pledge to approve a controversial device designed to allow men to perform a vasectomy on themselves without any supervision. XSurgical Devices, Inc. designed the Home Vasectomy Device (HVD) in 2002, but it has been stalled in stage three trials for 18 months due to [...]

Big Ben to be Replaced with Digital Clock

by Emma Taylor

Nov 9 2009

As birthrates in the U.K. tumble to all-time lows, British legislators will be spurred to drastic action. With a shrinking population to support the social programs for the elderly, a bill will be drafted in February of this year which many hope will attract technology savvy immigrants. “Young people today with their blue teeth and [...]

Pirates to Win Boat Race, Competition Walks the Plank

by Emma Taylor

Nov 2 2009

An unnamed band of buccaneers will become crowd favorites garnering cheers and a smattering of applause after sinking the competition in the annual Race Across the Gulf this coming June. Starting in Corpus Christi and ending in Tampa this race lasts just over a week and is no stranger to unsportsmanlike conduct; however, experts will [...]